What is Domestic Violence (DV)?
Domestic violence is always physical.
Domestic violence happens because people have trouble controlling their anger and/or their drinking.
Only men are abusive and only women are victims.
Domestic violence only impacts the two people in that relationship.
These are just a few of the common beliefs about abuse that exist in our society. These beliefs are FALSE and they are detrimental.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM) and we are kicking off a blog series to support our community in better understanding the issues that surround domestic violence and how to support survivors.
Domestic violence is about power and control. ANYONE can be abusive and ANYONE can be abused. Statistically, 1 in 3 women, 1 in 7 men, and 1 in 2 trans/non-binary people experience domestic violence and or sexual assault. What we also know is that domestic violence is highly underreported.
Many people picture physical harm when they hear the words “domestic violence,” but abuse is not always visible or physical. At its core, domestic violence is about one person using power and control to harm, intimidate and/or isolate someone. Every survivors’ story looks different, and every relationship has its own complexities; but naming and recognizing the patterns of abuse is an important first step toward safety and healing.
More than physical abuse
Domestic violence can include physical violence, such as, hitting, pushing, strangling or using weapons. It also shows up in less visible but no less harmful ways:
Emotional/psychological abuse: constant criticism, humiliation, or gaslighting that can erode a person’s confidence and sense of reality
Financial abuse: controlling money, taking paychecks, preventing someone from working or running up debt in their name
Sexual abuse: pressuring or forcing someone into sexual activity, interfering with someone’s gender-affirming care or interfering with reproductive choices
Digital abuse: monitoring texts or social media, tracking someone’s location, taking/sharing photos without someone’s consent or using technology to intimidate
Abuse can take many forms in each relationship and can impact interpersonal relationships, familial relationships and romantic relationships, and the common thread is control.
Myths & Truths
We started off today’s blog with some of the larger misconceptions around domestic violence. One of the biggest misconceptions that we hear is that abuse is “just a bad relationship” or a series of arguments. The truth is that domestic violence is not grounded in conflict, it’s about one person having control over the other. Some things can make the abuse worse such as substance use, poverty, mental health struggles etc. but they are not the CAUSE of the abuse.
Some other common myths:
“It only happens in certain communities.” In reality, domestic violence affects people of all ages, races, genders, incomes, religions and backgrounds.
“If it were really that bad, they would just leave.” Leaving is hard work and leaving is often the most dangerous time for survivors. Abusive partners may escalate their violence and control when they sense they are losing power. Survivors also face real barriers, from financial concerns to discrimination to fears for their children or pets.
“It’s just a private family matter.” Domestic violence is a public health and community safety issue. We all have a role in ending it.
Domestic violence touches every part of a survivor’s life. It can affect mental health, physical health and financial stability. Children who experience and witness abuse are deeply impacted, too. And the ripple effects extend into workplaces, schools, and communities.
The good news is that healing is possible. With safety, support and resources, survivors rebuild their lives every day. When we expand our understanding of what domestic violence looks like, we create space for survivors to be heard and believed. We also make it harder for abuse to hide in silence.
Awareness is the first step toward prevention. By learning, talking, and sharing resources, we send a powerful message: no one should have to live with abuse and help is always available.
If you or someone you know needs help, please call the Transition House hotline at 617-661-7203. Together, we can build a community where we stand with survivors.
Other local and national resources include: